Inspired...

I think today was the first day in a very long time since I've felt inspired to write down what God has placed on my heart!

I'm healing...

HE is the Healer of the wounded...

"Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me."

Psalm 30:2

HE is the Mender of the broken hearted...

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

Psalm 147:3

HE is the Restorer of the torn relationship...

"Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter,
you will restore my life again;

from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up."

Psalm 71:20

 

As I was driving home from work today I realized how far God has brought me on this journey to know Him better, to trust Him more fully and to obey Him more faithfully.  I thought about the broken shards of my life (heart) and how God has rearranged the pieces to make a piece of artwork only He could design.  It's unique, it's different, it's fragile and it's beautiful...it's my life (artwork) with His fingerprints...



 

"...and provide for those who grieve —
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair."

Isaiah 61:3

You could call it (my life) a "stained glass"...my life stained with His...His blood soaked into my life to bring earthly healing AND an ultimate healing!

 

I'm pulling out my thankfulness journal again...

#2235 - Jacob Thomas Hess...being able to watch him every Monday

#2236 - the privilege of being a grandmother "Mama Lisa"

#2237 - movie night with my family

#2238 - meeting Mike Lange

#2239 - relaxing trip to Florida

#2240 - renewed strength

Mike & Lisa

January 2015

 

Yes, I've met an amazing gentleman...Mike Lange.  We met October 27, 2014 and it has been a whirlwind of three months.  He is more than kind to me...patient, soft-spoken and treats me like a queen.  He has taught me the art of a "dining experience" and not just eating out!  We enjoy many of the same interests:  Jesus, family, tennis, the water, sunshine, card/board games, eating, staying fit & travel...it is so fun to have someone to share the joys of life with.

Jacob Thomas Hess - 4 months old

One of the greatest joys lately is watching Jacob grow.  I have the privilege of keeping him on my day off (Monday) every week.  He is such a good baby and I'm so blessed to have him so close by so that I can be involved in his life. I pray daily that he will "grow in wisdom and favor with God and man".  His grandpa would have adored him and I know Jacob would've loved his "Cha Cha Tom"!

As for me...my health is great.  I'm so thankful for the strength God gives me everyday.  Each day is a gift and I don't take any moment for granted.  Life is precious and I intend to "choose joy" with each breath God continues to bless me with!

Jacob Thomas Hess

He's here...perfect, whole and healthy!

 SO much to be thankful for...

new life...

"Yet I have loved Jacob"

Malachi 1:2

6lbs. 13 oz. ~ 19 3/4" ~ 3:00p.m.

My prayer for Jacob:

"I have kept my feet from every evil path so that I might obey Your Word."

Psalm 119:101

~Family~

"Mama Lisa"

Uncle Matt & Liz

Grandpa & Grandma Hess

Hess Cousins

Addison ~ Aubree ~ Maddox ~ Jacob

Graduation

This time of year accentuates the feelings already bubbling in my heart...
Graduation...
May 10th has come and gone...not only did that day mark Sarah's 26th birthday, but it marked 19 months since Tom's "ultimate" graduation.  From diagnosis to ultimate healing Tom was given 19 months to breath earthly air and we were blessed to have been able to share that air with him.  From Tom's last breath of earthly air until Sarah's 26th birthday I have had breath, but it has come with difficulty...like COPD, Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease.  I gasp at how time marches on...I want to hold my breath thinking that somehow by holding my breath time will slow down...slow down so I can better remember, breath easier.

As I focus on the accomplishments of those who graduate this year, I especially think of

Matthew...

What an incredible four years of college he experienced...and HE DID IT!! He entered college his freshman year with a healthy dad encouraged and excited about all that college was going to bring for Matt.  It was just six months into Matt's college experience that his 'healthy' dad was grasping for life after being diagnosed with brain cancer.  After battling many surgeries, rehabilitation, chemotherapy, and radiation Tom was able to join us as we moved Matt back onto campus for his sophomore year...Tom found his spot on a sofa while Matt, friends and I unloaded the car.  It wasn't even two months into Matt's sophomore year Tom had another seizure...the tumor was back and surgery left Tom paralyzed on his right side.  More rehab...a wheelchair...and a determined spirit to "never give up" saw us through Matt's basketball season.  Being in a wheelchair was not conducive to moving Matt back onto campus his junior year...Matt made that move without dad and mom.  Less than two months into Matt's junior year his dad had his ultimate graduation.  Starting that basketball season was more than difficult for Matt and the rest of our family.  Matt persevered.  Not only was Matt diligent in the classroom, but on the court as well.  Matt moved himself into his dorm his senior year with a very fragile mom at his side.  He did it...we did it...I know Tom is proud of the man he raised.  As I put words onto paper for Matt's graduation gift, I recalled what I thought Tom would want to say...here is some of what I wrote:

“I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 3:14

Matt…don’t reject passivity – be bold in your faith.  As you feel God has called you into the public school system He will give you many opportunities to either be bold for Him or to be passive in fear.  I challenge you to take hold of the gospel with all power and go forth in boldness!

Matt…accept responsibility – never blame others for what is your responsibility.  Pride is an ugly thing that steals our joy and robs us of taking ownership of what God has asked of us.  Be a man, own up!
Matt…lead courageously – God has and will continue to give you opportunities to lead.  Whether it’s in the classroom, on the court, on the field, or in your home, you need to be bold in your Christlikeness and lead as the Lord commands you.  Always keeping God’s Word as authority and leading as Christ lead (& your dad) with a servants heart and hand.
Matt…expect the greater reward – just as your dad has received his great reward, know that this life is just a gateway to our greater reward.  Living with purpose and an eternal perspective will give you the advantage.  Never loose sight of heaven, I call it “cross-eyed vision”…seeing people, things and situations through the eyes of Christ and His work on the Cross…there is hope for everyone!

Many of you have been faithful prayer warriors on Matt's behalf...I can't thank you enough.

I will bring this blog to a close for now...
I may pick it back up as we celebrate the highs and choose joy through the lows...
Sitting down to write has become more of a burden than blessing...
I guess that means it's time to move on...
I will leave you with some pictures of recent highlights:

Roommates, Teammates, Friends...

Matt & Caleb

Matthew Thomas & Elizabeth Rose

 

Congratulations Luke & Jessica!

Carson Lewis Anglea

April 8th, 2014

7lbs. 3 oz.

 

Pops & Granny Meet Carson!

 

Cassidy's Bridal Shower~Kline Cousins

Sarah, Lauren, Emily, Aubrey, Brittany (back)

Erin, Cassidy & Morgan (front)

 

Siblings...

Kelly, Mike & Lisa

 

Celebrating Mother's Day & May Birthdays...

Painting Pottery

Kelly, Lisa & Mom

 

Collins Avery is Dedicated to the Lord!

Tim, Lauren & Avery

 

 

Family...

Zac, Sarah, Liz, Matt & Mama

 

Activities & Special Announcement

"I will sing of the lovingkindness of the Lord forever;
To all generations I will make known Your faithfulness with my mouth."

Psalm 89:1

 March 6th marked one year since my mastectomy.  March 10th marks three years since my world was turned upside down...Tom was diagnosed with brain cancer.  The last three years have been rough..

God is FAITHFUL...

He sees me through the lonely days, however the past month has been full of fun activities & announcements!

Pottery Painting

Becky, Marti, Cindy & Me

 "God is faithful, through whom you were called into fellowship with His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord."

I Corinthians 1:9

 God is FAITHFUL...

 He has blessed me with such sweet friends...I am thankful!

A change of plan...due to ice storm in Atlanta our flight was changed...instead of flying into Ft. Myers we headed to Orlando...Surprise for Pops & Granny!

"For I satisfy the weary ones and refresh everyone who languishes.”

Jeremiah 31:25

 God is FAITHFUL...

 God blessed me, through Carylee, with a wonderful Florida vacation!

Melanie (Carylee's sister), Me & Carylee

 "Therefore there was born even of one man, and him as good as dead at that, as many descendants as the stars of heaven in number, and innumerable as the sand which is by the seashore."

Hebrews 11:12

 God is FAITHFUL...

Ice Cream ~ Pancakes ~ Coffee

Treats

God is FAITHFUL...

 He gave me the strength (& many friends to help) to decorate for another wedding!

Carylee, Kelly, Lisa, Alana, Beckie, Lori & Me

Thanks girls!

 God is FAITHFUL...

 He sustained me through Matt's final MVNU Basketball Game and Senior tribute!

Post-game interview with the three seniors...

Caleb ~ Matt ~ Garrison

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith;"

II Timothy 4:7

 God is FAITHFUL...

Weekend Getaway - Bryan College - Baseball - Engagement

Where Tom & my love story began...

Morgan, Carylee, Margaret, Me & Liz

She said YES!  Ike & Chelsea are ENGAGED!!

"Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease."

Jeremiah 29:6

God is FAITHFUL...

A weekend in Greenville, SC for Rachael & Nathan's Wedding!

Lisa, Pops & Sarah ~ Brothers ~ Y.T. & Patsy

(missing one)

An amazing Sunday in downtown Greenville...post wedding relaxing!

"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself,

and the wife must respect her husband."

Ephesians 5:33

...missing my husband...

God is FAITHFUL...

I saved the BEST news for last...

Sarah & Zac are blessing me with my first grandchild!

September 2014

"Grandchildren are the crown of old men, (& women)
And the glory of sons is their fathers."

Proverbs 17:6

I can't explain how excited I am...

the excitement is mixed with the thoughts of "I sure wish Tom could experience this..."

God is FAITHFUL...



A Day to Celebrate!

Today marks one year since my last chemotherapy infusion!  I praise the Lord for this last year, even though it has been an extremely hard year...it's been another year granted to me to enjoy family, friends and His grace. 

For through the Law I died to the Law, so that I might live to God.

I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me;

and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God,

who loved me and gave Himself up for me.  I do not nullify the grace of God,

for if righteousness comes through the Law, then Christ died needlessly.”

Galatians 2:19-21

None of us know the "number of our days".  I seem to live in the balance of being fully aware of my mortality and yet living with full abandon.  It's a hard place...dealing with the 'what if's' and yet tossing aside my fears and really living, wholeheartedly.  I think so often of Tom, not quite experiencing fifty earth years and wondering if my earth years will turn into heavenly years before the dreaded five-oh...only God knows the number of my days...and for that I'm thankful.  He allows us to choose how we live these days...with Him or without Him.  I'm choosing "with Him"...I'm all in, ready for His lead, His way, His glory.  Tom set an unprecedented example of how to be "all in" and with such an amazing attitude.  He was so ready for God's plan to be unfolded in his life...no matter what the plan was!  I'm thankful I got a front row seat to watch, listen, and anticipate with Tom his journey to Jesus.

You’re going to have to get it:

Death may be certain, but when it comes is uncertain,

which is what makes the living gloriously uncertain — a choice.

-Ann Voskamp, A Holy Experience

These past few weeks (months) have been the coldest and snowiest that I can remember.  It's caused some "cabin fever" for me.  I never minded "cabin fever" when Tom and the kids could enjoy the cabin with me.  Sarah reminded me the other day how special it was to have her dad be an educator and get to experience "snow days" with our family.  Lately, many schools (& universities) have had their fair share of "snow/cold days".  Locally, just this week, they had three days off!!  As I huddle up in the comforts of my little cabin...I reminisce of snow days...time with family, sledding, roasting marshmallows in the fireplace, hot cocoa, and old family videos to watch!  Good memories, great family...I'm thankful for the memories of "snow days'.  However, I'd be lying if I didn't say that the huddling up in my place, alone, isn't painful.  I've spent too much time wallowing in the "woe is me" and not "WOW is the Lord"!  Loneliness is engulfing and I thank the Lord for His presence in my time alone, however it is a choice for me where to place my thoughts.  

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone;

I will make him a helper suitable for him.”

Genesis 2:18

God is so good to have blessed me (for 27 years) with the most amazing man, I was privileged to be his helpmate.  I can't forget God saying "it's not good for the man to be alone", but is it good for the woman to be alone?  No, I have a Helper...

"I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper,

that He may be with you forever;  that is the Spirit of truth,

whom the world cannot receive, because it does not see Him or know Him,

but you know Him because He abides with you and will be in you."

John 14:16-17

Tonight I'm going to celebrate because:

Everyone knows they will die. They just don’t know when.

So forget about the when. Who cares when you die.

The real question is: when will you start to live?

-Ann Voskamp, A Holy Experience

 

A Christmas to Remember

Zac, Sarah, Lisa & Matthew

Why is it that we tend to remember the bad times better than the good times?  I've heard that the more we feel an experience, the better we remember it!  If that's the case...I'll never forget this Christmas.  As my last post stated I had a "simple" out-patient procedure to internally blast an overly large kidney stone on the Friday before Christmas.  Two, or maybe three, days of discomfort, pass the stone fragments and life moves on...not for me!  After three days of increasing pain, calls to the doctor, drinking fluid non-stop, I woke up Christmas morning feverish.  My parents loaded me up and delivered me to OSU Medical Center where I eventually was diagnosed with urosepsis from blockage between bladder and kidney...after an emergency surgery to place a stent, heavy antibiotics and two nights in the hospital, I came home.  It's been a very, LONG two and a half weeks.  Finally, today I am seeing some light at the end of this long, dark tunnel.  Today the stent was removed, relief!

I realize I am not a nice person when I'm in pain.

I realize I said some mean things to people I will probably never see again.

I realize I'm a pampered, spoiled American who expects things (comfort)...

and when I don't get them I pout, scream & kick (& talk "ugly" too)!

Lord, forgive me...

"But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison.

With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men,

who have been made in the likeness of God;

from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing.

My brethren, these things ought not to be this way.

Does a fountain send out from the same opening both fresh and bitter water?"

James 3:8-11

I realize I am broken.  I am bitter.

I realize I need a Savior.

EVERY BREATH

EVERY SECOND

Until He calls me home.

I have found myself on several occasions blaming 'not having a husband to temper me' as why I'm the way I am or why I said something I shouldn't have.  I could not have made it through the past two weeks without my parents being here...serving, loving and just being here physically to encourage when I felt so discouraged!  

 

Recently while reading a chapter in "Let Me Grieve but not Forever", God grabbed my heart...



"Was there meaning in my life solely because of Tom?

Or was my life with Tom a wonderful bonus to the

meaning in my life because of God?  So does meaning

for me now become impossible because there is no Tom?

Or can there be renewed meaning because there is a God?

I have lost Tom - I haven't lost God.  One was a gift in time;

the other a gift for eternity."

-Verdell Davis

(changed name from Creath to Tom)

 

Another inspiring blog I'm following:  Undiminished Me

 

I am not content though, to go through this process of grieving Tom's loss via the path of least resistance.  If there is something good to be got from it, by Golly, I want to get it.  The pain is too much to come out with bitterness, disillusionment, cynicism, or mere apathy.  Those are what I think I will end up with if I don’t actively fight my way through this thing. Or as C.S. Lewis so aptly put it, “If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.”
I will get there in time.  I will resist the urge to lie on the couch in the fetal position watching re-runs of “HGTV” 24/7 while eating a case of Twizzlers and sulking in sadness.  Instead, I will talk to Him more about my little case of denial.  I will stay in fellowship with the saints and allow them to minister truth to me.  I will worship and praise Him and study his Word harder than ever.  I will cherish the memories I have and, someday, I will praise Him for the demise of one very fine young man with my head and heart.
I will grow—grow to more like Christ and not be diminished.
(Ok, I changed a few words to make her statements mine...is that legal?)



Thanksgiving Past...Christmas Forward

I haven't stopped writing blogs...it's just that they're all in my head and not posted here!

I have SO much swimming in my head, I even wake up at night thinking "I should write that down"!

  

Thanksgiving Highlights:

Traveling to Michigan to be with Dan, Brittany, Declan & precious, new born baby, Holden!

Nothing quite like 'newborn snuggles'

Great Grandparents & Grandparents

...and don't forget all the amazing food!

 

Bowling with the Meyer's Family

(L to R) Carylee, Ike, Doug, Joel, Jess & Morgan

 

Annie Grace's 1st birthday!

Yes, your eyes aren't tricking you...that's a real gun, a 22 as a matter of fact!

What one year old, girl, gets a gun for her first birthday?

One little girl whose father loves to hunt and happens to work for Cabela's!

"Annie get your gun!"

 

Christmas Cookie Baking with Sarah

Buckeyes - Chocolate Chex Mix - Pecan Tarts - Chocolate Crinkles

...cut-outs not pictured...

 

Stranger Becomes Friend

While recently shopping at the local supermarket, I was stopped by a lady who asked:

"Are you Lisa Anglea?"

Ugh...yes, I am...

This dear lady, I'd never met before, recognized me from this blog!  Her son is a senior at WCHS.  Tom had the privilege of interviewing this family just prior to his diagnosis.

We enjoyed a lengthy conversation in the cheese aisle!

I'm lifting you up, Pam...trusting God to hold you tight just as He is me!

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted

And saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Psalm 34:18

 

Rocks in my Stocking

I write this next "highlight" with much embarrassment...

Over Thanksgiving I was experiencing much pain, a familiar pain...I have a kidney stone.

I've had a kidney stone before and know that feeling.

After two weeks of persistent pain I finally called the doctor and a CT scan was performed.

The doctor called with the inevitable news:

"You have kidney stones"

 I was waiting to hear:

"You have a kidney stone"

Leave it to me...not one, not two, but three!

 Two in my left kidney and one in the right...not passable!

After meeting with an urologist...surgery is scheduled for Friday.

An outpatient procedure:  ureteroscopy with laser lithotripsy.

Thank you to Stephanie LaMonte for making the day of appointments (in the snow storm) much more enjoyable than going alone!

2014 can only get better...right?!

 

Condo Living

I'm not sure it can get any quieter than living alone...

better to hear God speak!

The floors are solid, no basement...

Did I mention how quiet it is here?

My "son-in-love" recently visited and said it's like an old persons home...

my place heats up so quickly & I love that!

(I guess old people's homes are warm!)

I like cozy...flip a switch and I have a fire...it doesn't get much easier than that...

I watched Tom labor over chopping, splitting, stacking & hauling firewood for years!

We both loved a roaring fire...my gas logs don't "roar", but I know Tom smiles down on me as I pull my chair up and block all the heat (no one to block)!  He used to call me HB (aka: heat blocker)!

 There are so many aspects of living alone that make Tom's absence more profound...

Keeping my car clean in this salty, snowy winter...

Keeping gas in my car, pumping gas is COLD...

Dropping me off at the door to wherever we were going...

he was the ultimate "southern gentleman"...

always getting my door for me...

I now park, walk & reminisce of "the good old days"...

What a nice, big garage I have...

I'm so thankful I don't have to leave my car out to have to scrape when ice and snow comes!

 Something Tom always did was take out the trash...

I'm thankful I can do it...when I remember!  He had such a keen memory of trash day!

 

Living Christmas Trees

(aka: LCT, or as Tom would say LTC!)

I had the privilege of joining the Meyers family for this years Pageant last night.

I think it was one of my favorites, but I think I say that every year!

Here is my favorite song from this year:

"This Blood"

 

The highlight was seeing Eli (Dwayne Smith) dance in "heaven" at the end of the show!

I cried like a baby thinking of Tom dancing...full, whole and perfect before his heavenly Father!

It's an incredible feeling...the hope of heaven...my heart is full!

My prayer is that when God calls me to my real home in heaven,

that I will see YOU there one day too!

 

Giving, Not Getting

This year my extended family "adopted" two less fortunate families for Christmas.

Instead of buying for each other we bought for them!

What fun it was to see all the goodies gathered...

an anonymous gift of love sure to bring joy!

Sarah & Aubrey wrap the gifts!

 

Praying your Christmas celebration is celebrating CHRIST!

 

But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold,

I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people;

for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior,

who is Christ the Lord.

Luke 2:10-11